Is Talking Pointless?

A friend of mine recently expressed her frustration with the amount of trouble, hassle and dissatisfaction she experiences when trying to communicate. Here’s and excerpt:

“…People are talking too much just to hear themselves, don’t listen or care anyway, or just plain lie.  And then I started thinking… maybe Freud had something right.  Maybe he was sitting back there thinking – ‘when they finally shut up, they’re better…’”

I think… (I know, day of miracles)

There is a difference between talking and communicating. Well, talking is just a single form of one-way communication. If not monitored or honed, the message will get lost in the mucky-muck of their own words.

Two-way communication is, I think, what you’re hoping to achieve. Us Public Relations peeps call it “establishing mutually beneficial relationships“. This requires the delicate balance of talking AND listening. Too much talking is what you’re experiencing. The message get too cluttered, and people this day and age don’t have the time to shift through the fluff to get the message. It also will leave the communicator prone to saying too much and lose credibility or embarrass themselves by saying things they really shouldn’t have. God bless politicians, right?

Too much listening or researching can be a pitfall too. Too much fear of opening your mouth or sending a message could prevent opportunities from presenting themselves, or worse yet, seeing an opportunity pass  by because you were too busy listening. Also, you can get trampled in conversations, and you could be forgotten, mixed with the crowd. Trust me, I know this all too well. It it my biggest failure when networking at events and PRSA meetings.

I agree that a closed mouth does far less damage than an open one, but like most things in life, it’s best when there’s a balance between listening and communicating. It’s not the easiest path, mind you. I’m STILL looking for that delicate balance. But using listening to your advantage is crucial.  By listening, you better understand what the second or third party wants, needs and hopes. It allows you to simplify your message while making it meatier because it fits what your client/friend/family wants. It makes your message more direct and effective. You will also have a better understanding of how to present your message as well. You will know what tactic to use to get the most attention and a better call to action.

Think of it like this: There’s a leak in your house. So you can either

A: Gather up every single tool and climb all over the house. You start to wonder why your brand new screwdriver isn’t working. It worked when the table became loose, but its not stopping the leak. So, you spend hours trying various tools that ultimately do little to stop the leak.

B: Sit there and let the leak drip. You know that poking around with your tools will only make the leak worse. Maybe the leak just wants someone to hear it drip? Once its done leaking, it will feel better about itself. Be a good homeowner and keep your toolbox closed. Who cares if the house floods, or causes thousands of dollars worth of mold damage?

OR

C: Take a moment to look at the leak. Find out why it’s leaking, where it is leaking and how it’s leaking. A little research would lead that there’s a roof tile missing, so all you need is a hammer. Or you could find out that a pipe is loose and all you need is a wrench. In a matter of an hour, you’re happy, the house is happy and all is right in the world.

I guess I could have said, “You wouldn’t take a screwdriver to fix your house if you took the time to see that all you need is a hammer to fix a loose board“, but you understand. Even I can talk too much.

One more thing to confuse you. Sometimes it’s good to let others talk too much. In personal experience, when first meeting with a client, I want to establish their goals and objectives before doing research and designing a campaign. Most of the time, when asked what their goals and objectives are… they don’t know. most of the time they list tactics like, “We want a new Web site”.

But why do they want the Web site? What’s the goal or objective behind getting one? Would they be willing to do something else if it achieves better results? They really don’t know. So, I like to let them ramble and many, many times they will talk themselves through their thought and just hearing their own mouths say it makes it easier for me to say “Okay, all you really want is increased revenue?” or “Your goal is to increase awareness?” etc.

Once that mutual understanding is established, it makes the rest of the campaign SO much easier, because we have established a bond of trust from the beginning.

I hope that helps and provides some clarity.  Just remember: BALANCE.

Take it from me,

JaredLee

I Swear I’ll Make This Enlightening and Entertaining!

I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew at the moment, but trust me, I’ll update this and really look into my adventures of networking and the PR culture in general.

That’s what I see,

JaredLee